One of my favorite readings

Sonnet XVII – Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-Rose, Topaz

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as certain dark things are loved,

secretly, between the shadows and the soul

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries

hidden within itself the light of those flowers,

and thanks to your love, darkly in my body

lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you simply, without problems or pride:

I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving

But this, in which there is no you, or I

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand.

So intimate that when I fell asleep it is your eyes that close

Hotel Monaco

Kristian and David were married on July 25 at Hotel Monaco. This was my first time at the Hotel and the wedding took place in an attractive room on the third floor.

Carrie Collins of Wed-Chicago was the coordinator, it was fun to work with her again and I really like the way she works with couples. Carrie seems well organized but also laid back.

James Knabe, trumpeter and two other musicians did a very nice job with the music.

Kristian and David did some editing of my materials and came up with a great Declaration of Consent combined with a Guest Blessing, they also used some traditional vows. I really like the Guest Blessing because it gives the guests a role in the ceremony as opposed to just sitting there passively.

Kristian and David did some editing of my materials and came up with a great Declaration of Consent combined with a Guest Blessing, they also used some traditional vows. I really like the Guest Blessing because it gives the guests a role in the ceremony as opposed to just sitting there passively. Here is what they came up with we called it the Declaration of Consent and here is how it went.

Kristian will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

Kristian, I will.

David, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

David, I will.

Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage? Will you, the family and friends of David and Kristian, you who know and love them best, pledge to them your honesty, compassion, and support? Will you continue to be quick to encourage and slow to criticize, ready to share both tears and laughter? Will you continue to share with them the deepest concerns of life-- whether in grief or in joy-- and so receive and give the love of the truly abundant life? If you will, with God's help, pledge these gifts to David and Kristian, answer: "We will."

Sofitel Hotel

The Grand Ballroom of the Sofitel Water Tower Hotel , with a 20-foot-high window and a spectacular view was the venue for Lauren and Michael's wedding on Friday evening.

This was my second wedding at the Sofitel and as I said before, the ballroom is stunning and the staff of the hotel were helpful and pleasant to work with. They reset the room for the dinner and it looked like an entirely different room.

Courtney Lawhn and a violinist provided the wonderful music for the ceremony. You can contact Courtney at courtneylawhn@yahoo.com. John Straus was the photographer and his business card says the photograph proofs will available on his sight in three weeks. The room was decorated beautifully, I bet the photos will be outstanding.

Michael and Lauren included the Polish wedding tradition of having their parents share bread, in hopes that they will never hunger or be in need, salt as a reminder that their life may be difficult at times and they must learn to cope with life's struggles and wine, in hopes that they will never thirst and will have a life of good health and good cheer and share the company of many good friends. It was a lovely and tender moment in the ceremony.

West Loop Studio

West Loop Studio was the venue for Steve and Sarah's wedding last night. The studio is owned by Steve Ewert who along with Jamie Kelter, the studio manager, were the photographers. My photo above does not do justice to what the room looks like so be sure and click on their link for some really good photos. The room is on the third floor of the building, has very high ceilings and is what you would expect in a loft. The 100 guests fit nicely in the space and although there were only about 60 chairs to use during the ceremony, it was only about 12 mintues long so those who had to stand were not inconvenienced. Contact Jamie for more information, 312.733.5762 tel, jamie@westloopstudio.com

Blue Plate did the catering and Jessica McLean, was the person in charge. Jessica was there just when I needed her help and she and her staff remained calm and helpful during the 20 minute delay while we waited for several members of the groom's immediate family to arrive. The food and service was excellent. During the delay Jessica told me that even though Blue Plate is a large organization, she is part of a special group who only work on weddings. That allows them to provide all the resources of a large catering company but the attention of a small group of consultants who focus only on weddings. You can contact Jessica at 312.239.2844 or jmclean@blueplatechicago.com


Erik Friedly and Brent Rolland from Fig Media were the DJ's for the reception. They were friendly, helpful and very professional. In my experience, Fig Media always does good work.

I am not exactly sure why but I had an exceptionally wonderful time at this wedding. Sarah and Steve were a lot of fun to work with. They had specific ideas about their ceremony but they weren't demanding or difficult. Right before we started they were both relaxed and obviously excited about the ceremony. When Sarah walked down the aisle with her father her face lit up with a huge smile. Steve had not seen her before the ceremony and when he saw her that first time, his eyes filled with tears of joy. After her father had presented her Sarah gave Steve a tissue to wipe his eyes and when he finished he tucked it back in the top of her low cut dress. My only response was, "Ok then, let's get started." Everyone in the room seemed really happy and excited about this wedding and at the very end when I presented Steve and Sarah for the first time as husband and wife, everyone erupted in cheers and clapping.

I really love conducting weddings and feel so privileged to be a part of weddings like Sarah and Steve's.

One final thought, recently both a coordinator and a photographer told me that in their experience couples who take most of their photos before the ceremony are much more relaxed at the start of the wedding. Frankly, in my experience I am not sure that's the case, for instance, I can't think of a more relaxed couple that Sarah and Steve. But then, I am a traditionalist and I like it when the bride and groom have not seen each other before the ceremony. I feel very tender when I see the bride look down the aisle and see the groom waiting there for her. I love to watch the expression on the grooms face when he sees his future wife enter the room and walk down the aisle. Most often they are just like Steve was last night, their eyes well up with tears and I can see the love and tenderness they feel for the bride.

Obviously the decision about photographs is up to the bride and groom but I had to add my two cents worth.

Technorati Tags: Wedding, Minister, Spiritual, Chicago, Non-Denominational, Wedding Officiant

The Three Minute Wedding

It happened again this past Saturday. About 20 minutes after the ceremony I went to the bridal room to personally congratulate the bride and groom. The first thing the bride said was, "I can't believe how short the ceremony was, it must have been three minutes long!" The groom started to laugh and said, "That's exactly what Bruce told me before the ceremony, it will feel like a three minute ceremony."


In fact the ceremony was nearly 20 minutes long but almost every couple tells me afterward that it seemed like three minutes. I guess it's understandable from their perspective and I often wonder what is going through their minds as the ceremony progresses. Certainly they are listening and when we get to the exchange of vows it always gets serious and usually emotional in some way. But, the fact remains, regardless of the length from the perspective of the bride and groom it always feels like a short ceremony.



Technorati Tags: Wedding, Minister, Spiritual, Chicago, Non-Denominational, Wedding Officiant

Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way

I went to seminary but we never had a class on conducting weddings and as a result over the last 30 years of doing weddings I’ve learned some things the hard way. For instance, during the second meeting with couples I always ask the bride if she has a train on her wedding dress. It’s not that I am nosy it’s that I want to avoid an embarrassing moment for the father of the bride.

Here’s what can happen. The bride walks down the aisle with her father and she is walking on his left side. They come to the front, stop and I ask, “Who presents this woman to be married to this man” and he says, “I do” or “Her mother and I do.” Then he kisses her, shakes the grooms hand and then walks around behind his daughter to his seat on her left. The problem is he forgets about her train and either just tromps across it or if the bride and groom are walking forward by then she will come to a sudden stop because her dad is standing on the train. It’s very embarrassing for dad, who often has worried himself about walking down the aisle and if he will remember what he’s supposed to say but stepping on her dress is a mistake big time. So I’ve learned to ask about the train and then remind dad about it at the rehearsal and just before he walks in. Nine times out of ten, he will remember and often has a proud little smile on this face because he avoided the train.

Another little thing I’ve learned is that it’s best for the Best Man/Person to take the rings out of the box and put them on their finger prior to the ceremony. First, those little black boxes are difficult to open, I’ve seen the Best Man turning them around and around trying to figure out how to open them while I am standing with my hand out ready to receive them and the guests are snickering out loud. The other thing is that it’s easy to drop the rings while taking them out of the box. In one wedding the Best Man dropped a ring and it bounced off the carpet into a potted plant. The next thing we knew he was down on his hands and knees digging through the pot trying to find the ring. It was very funny and we made some jokes about it but the poor guy was pretty embarrassed.

What humorous thing happened at your wedding? All of us reading this would love to hear so please post your own story. Please also look at my website, www.SpiritedWeddings.com

Tender Moments

At the end of my second meeting with the couples I describe to them, based on what they have selected to include in the ceremony and other details that I have helped them make, how the ceremony will flow from the moment their guests start arriving until the end when they walk out as husband and wife. While I am walking them through the ceremony in this way, almost without exception both of them get very tender expressions on their faces and frequently one of both of them tear up. One bride in her own blog described it this way, “It was almost surreal to talk through the sequence of the ceremony. D and I had of course talked through all of this together as we wrote/crafted the ceremony but there was something different about it when your Officiant mentions that 'you will be emotional during the vows.' I almost started tearing up right there.”
I don’t know exactly what is going on in these moments but my hunch is that after months, sometimes more than a year of planning and dreaming about their perfect wedding ceremony when I describe it to them it comes alive. They feel in those moments the excitement, happiness and tenderness that they will feel even more fully on their wedding day.

One of the suggestions that I make to every couple is after they recess out from the ceremony they go to a room where they can be together for a few minutes before joining their guests. Some venues will provide champagne and food for just the bride and groom. I am not there in the room with them but I think that those moments together are also filled with a lot of tenderness. I learned recently that in the Ashkenazi Jewish Wedding ceremony this time alone is called the Yichud. The newly married couple publicly seclude themselves in a closed room for several minutes.

I would love to hear from other couples if you are planning a Yichud or if you have other comments about tender moments in your ceremony. You can post a response to this blog or contact me at botto@SpiritedWeddings.com or visit my website, www.SpiritedWeddings.com

Fears about what the Officiant will say in the ceremony

Every once in a while when I am talking to a bride and groom about conducting their wedding they tell me a horror story about attending a wedding where an Officiant started making off-the-wall comments that were embarrassing to everyone present. Recently a couple told me that after looking at another local Officiant’s website they ruled him out because based on how he describe himself, they were scared he would turn their ceremony into an opportunity for him to perform. Several years ago, in a review of my services posted on a wedding blog a bride wrote that the groom, “was worried that he'd [she was referring to me] start going into some prayer we hadn't agreed on, but he didn't. I got many compliments about Bruce and how nice the ceremony was.”

My conclusion is that even though couples don’t tell me directly, they have fears about what I am really going to say during their wedding. That is perfectly understandable because they have opportunities to taste the food their caterer will prepare, hear the music played by their DJ or musicians, see photos taken by their photographer and see how their hair stylist will do the bride’s hair for her wedding. How will they know exactly what I will say during their wedding?

I am not alone in doing this, but the way I address this fear is by asking every couple to select from my planning booklet exactly what they want said in their wedding. At times they have very specific things they want said, for instance that the wedding is taking place where they met or in one instance a couple who loved animals changed a line in a prayer that said, “may they always welcome friends and strangers into their home,” to “may they always welcome friends and strange animals into their home.”

I provide them with at least two drafts of the ceremony script that they can review and edit until I get it just the way they want it. I offer advice or suggestions based on my experience but in the end the ceremony is completely personalized and uniquely theirs. Then as the bride who reviewed me said, I stick with the script.

My hope is that this process helps calm the fears of the bride and groom so that they can, as much as possible, relax and fully enjoy and engage in their ceremony.